Posted: Tuesday, October 25, 2011
The Austin Powers trilogy will eventually expand with the announcement of Austin Powers 4. It got me to thinking...what if the NFL were an Austin Powers movie? As you know, Austin is an international man of mystery. This super agent never has a problem getting the beautiful women. He's irresistible to women, deadly to his enemies and a legend in his own time. Who could possibly fill those shoes? How about Tom Brady...
Obviously, Austin doesn't call all the shots. He and the rest of the team are controlled by Basil Exposition. Who better to play Basil than the NFL's Commissioner Roger Goodell?
As you know, not everyone was nice to Austin. His enemies are many, but one stands out among all. Dr Evil, played by Michael Vick (c'mon...who else could fill that role), is accompanied by his clone, Mini-Me (played by rookie Cam Newton). Michael Vick may have been the original QB that forced defenses to come up with schemes to try and stop him, but Cam Newton is now forcing opposing defenses to do the same thing. Both are dangerous foes, but only Dr Evil has the new contract for...one million dollars...er....one hundred billion dollars.
Who does #2 work for? Dr Evil can't run his evil empire all by himself. Fortunately he has a very capable second in command aptly named...Number 2. Number 2 is played by the 2nd best Manning of all time...Eli.
When Dr Evil, Mini-Me, and Number 2 weren't scheming to get rid of Austin Powers, they usually just sent their top henchman to do their dirty work. What NFL personality is overweight but still thinks of himself as sexy with his sexy body? Hmmmm.....
While Austin has many enemies, only one woman could teach him the beauty of monogamy (at least before she was revealed to be a fembot all along). When she's not judo chopping Alotta Fagina, Vanessa Kensington is the beautiful sidekick who is also a determined and intelligent young woman. Who better to play Vanessa than Suzy Kolber?
I like to see girls of that... caliber. Very shagedelic...yeah!
You must be signed in to post your comments